I Lost My Innocence

 I don't write here for the sake of writing. Instead I write because it helps me vent out my feelings or else I'll go crazy. A desi, joint family is one such that tests your nerves and patience every single second of the day. And it usually doesn't have to be the mother in laws. In my case, I'm blessed to have a MIL who dotes on me but she is also helpless when it comes to her children and their attitudes. 

I don't talk about others or give examples because my own life and its experiences are enough to convince me that people like this would definitely exist around the world and make life hell for others as well. 

I was rather innocent. Having been brought up in a sheltered atmosphere, under my mother's hawk like eyes and her ever concerned persona. She was a single mother and she made sure she brought her children up where nobody would question her upbringing. School, college and then university, my life revolved around my mother and what she taught us. I know she made me into a good human being because I am considerate, know how to respect people and often compromise just for the sake of avoiding an argument.  But  then it seemed I was thrown to the wolves. 

I got married. I was quiet at first,  keen to observe what went around me. My mouth shut. But one after another incidents that pushed me to the verge of hysteria started to take place. I wanted to get out of it but couldn't. I wanted to avoid being manipulated and used for personal gain but I couldn't. Days passed by and my hysteria grew, more so when I became a mother. I protected my child like a lioness, had learned that from my mother, but when I saw he was being unnecessarily targeted, I burst out. I spoke and answered people in the same language that had been hurled at me since day one and I had quietly listened to. I leapt out like a volcano because I had had enough. You cannot expect a person to just be quiet and listen all the time, right? How long will you listen to the abuses hurled at you by someone who doesn't even have the right to address you by your name. How would you feel when nobody sides with you and just cites 'its how he is' to makeup for whatever bullshit is sent your way. How would you actually tolerate all of it? Would you lash out too? Because I did and even though I got to listen to all sorts of street language and insults that would shake a soul, I made my point. 

I lost my innocence that day because I felt I was molested with words and insults that were thrown at me by a random person. I, someone who had spent a sheltered life,  was brought to the streets by a disgusting man, who I will detest for the rest of my life.

- The Desi Woman