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Marriage Doesn't Make US a Wife. It Makes Us Invisible.

They said marriage would complete me. They said,  “You’ll understand when you go to your own home.” No one told me that “my own home” would feel like borrowed space. In a desi marriage, you don’t just marry a man. You marry expectations. Traditions. Silent rules no one explains but everyone enforces. The first morning after my wedding, I woke up before everyone else. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt watched. Evaluated. Measured. How I made tea. How I draped my dupatta. How softly I walked. Wife material is a performance. And I was determined to win. I learned quickly that being a “good wife” meant swallowing more than food. It meant swallowing opinions. Swallowing exhaustion. Swallowing the ache of missing my old room, my old freedom, my old self. If I spoke up, I was “too sensitive.” If I stayed quiet, I was “mature.” Somewhere between adjusting and compromising, I disappeared. No one prepares you for the loneliness of being surrounded by people. For missing your mother...
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He told me to shut the window when I was sitting in my own room.

Kia tum khirki khol k beth jati ho.....  (Why do you sit with the window open... ) It was such a small sentence. Ordinary. Casual. The kind of thing people say without thinking. But it lingered in the air long after the window was closed. I was sitting on the edge of the bed, tired after a day spent in the kitchen. 5 long hours of standing.. Preparing food to be sent to the neighbors and host a guest at home....   The moment before the sentece, the room felt like it belonged to me. Not as someone’s daughter. Not as someone’s wife. Just me. Then came the order: “Close the window.” No “please.” No explanation. Just instruction. And I froze. Because if you’re a desi married woman, you know it’s never just about the window. It’s about the invisible lines that quietly redraw themselves after marriage. The house may be shared, but the authority often isn’t. You adjust the curtains, the salt in the food, your tone of voice. You learn which battles are “worth it” and which are “p...
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I'm Just Tired

 I'm just tired. I've been tired for a while now. The only thing is that in this rat race of life, I feel like I've left myself behind while trying to catch up with everyone and everything. I try to maintain a balance at home. I try to fulfill every need that is connected to me, I try to cater to home and family but still, it is never enough. I feel so overwhelmed at times. I'm tired of being needed all the time. Even the holidays require me to work.  Why? Why can't I just be there, sit on the sofa and watch the news. Why can't I just laze around, not wanting to do anything because its my day off? Why don't I have a day off? Ever since I've been married, there has been not a single day I've not been on duty. There hasn't been a single day I'm not needed. Why?  Are we raising our daughters to be slaves? Are we investing our time and values into our daughters just so that they'd grow up, ready to serve some desi spoiled men who would sit on...
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Men and Their Obsession With Second Marriages

 A desi household and especially men that hail from desi households are literally obsessed with second marriages. When they've got nothing else against their spouse, they'll crack the hideous second marriage joke and make sure their wives feel offended. Sometimes right in the middle of a gathering. Come on man how despicable could you get?!! Why are desi men like this? Why can't they just be happy with their wives? No matter whether you hold your brother, your father or even any rare gentleman that you've come across in your life, on a pedestal, at one point in their life or the other, they will make this pathetic joke in front of a large audience. Whether their intention is to show their wives down or not, they will crack this bad joke and then stroke their male egos. Gosh, I hate such men!!! In fact to be honest, ever since I got married into a desi household, I hate all desi men in general. They're a specie not designed for planet earth. There should have been a ...
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Forgive But Never Forget

 You know in life you'll meet a hundred, thousands of people and not everyone is going to be your friend. Not everyone is going to like you and some might even just be envious of who you are as a person. In a desi household, especially a joint family, there's going to be a lot of envy, a lot of backstabbing and lot of politics, designed to bring you down, if people don't like you. You'll be subjected to ridicule and your trust will be broken countless times. No matter what and who brings you down, you'll have to be the bigger person and let things go for your own peace of mind. But still, a sane desi woman is going to learn a lesson from everything around her. Forgive! Forgive people for your own sake. Even if they do or don't apologize,  just forgive them to be at peace. But yes, once you forgive, never forget. Never forget how you were treated or ridiculed or called out. Never forget what people did to you. Welcome their apology but keep your boundaries. Nobod...
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Where Do I Stand?

 They're a family and you're an outsider and this is something you'll be made to feel again and again. They stand together through thick and thin, they have the ugliest arguments and yet they bounce back because they are a family. But you, you're an outsider because you weren't born into their family. You're not their blood. No matter how much your husband supports you or takes your side, he'll still be with his family, always.   But doesn't that make you wonder where you stand in that particular desi joint family? They'll ridicule you, bash you, call you pathetic names, even those that make you feel naked and yet your husband will sit with them, laugh with them and provide for them, as a good son and brother. He is responsible to do so but where will it leave you? Do you want to socialize with people who bash you with the ugliest of vocabulary that could exist? Do you want to be around people who call you out in a gathering only to ensure their supe...
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I Lost My Innocence

 I don't write here for the sake of writing. Instead I write because it helps me vent out my feelings or else I'll go crazy. A desi, joint family is one such that tests your nerves and patience every single second of the day. And it usually doesn't have to be the mother in laws. In my case, I'm blessed to have a MIL who dotes on me but she is also helpless when it comes to her children and their attitudes.  I don't talk about others or give examples because my own life and its experiences are enough to convince me that people like this would definitely exist around the world and make life hell for others as well.  I was rather innocent. Having been brought up in a sheltered atmosphere, under my mother's hawk like eyes and her ever concerned persona. She was a single mother and she made sure she brought her children up where nobody would question her upbringing. School, college and then university, my life revolved around my mother and what she taught us. I know ...
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